When I was in my junior year of high school, I ended up pregnant with my first child. I had her during the last days of finals. It was very hard considering the father of the baby was not there for me. Fast forward to me at the age of 22 it was summer time. I had been dating a guy for quite some time and ended up pregnant again. I was not happy in my relationship with the father of the baby due to his juvenile ways and drug use. I talked to his sister whom was my best friend at the time and she told me she had an abortion and was fine I could do the same thing and move on with my life.
I decide that I would go ahead and get an abortion after all what is the worst that could happen to me? My friend and I went to the clinic on the day of the procedure. I went in and everything was very sterile and felt disconnected from the atmosphere to the people working there. I went in one of the rooms by myself and my friend waited for me in the waiting room. The DR applied some seaweed substance in my lady parts to start the dilation of my uterus. I went out to the car with my friend and had to wait 2 hours till the procedure could be performed. I was in great pain which I was not warned about. I laid there in mental and physical pain the whole 2 hours. Finally, it was time for the Dr to do what I had come here for. I my mind I was thinking I really did not want to go through with this any longer but now my uterus was dilatated and I had to go through with it right?
The procedure was performed and as I lay in the recovery room alone, I hear a baby crying. In my mind I am thinking what the hell a BABY??? I started crying. I noticed there was a nurse passing by and I asked why they would have babies in this sort of environment. She replied with “there are no babies here.” I was devastated as I felt my heart breaking knowing I had just taken my child’s life and could do nothing to get it back.
For many years to follow I jumped in and out of relationship to relationship not knowing what was wrong with me. I could not commit to one person or fully love them. I ended up having 3 other children and ended up with my husband I have now. It was a rocky start given my track record and past behavior having to do with relationships. One afternoon I asked my pastor if I could talk to him for a bit he agreed and we chatted like old friends. I told him about my past with all the good and bad. At the end he asked me if I would meet a congregation member to talk about an abortion healing class. I agreed to do so. She was wonderful and I agreed to go to the class. I was very nervous to go but did it since I said I would. There where lots of things I learned. I learned the destructive patterns I had in relationships where due to those first few relationships I had in life, one leading to an abortion. Since I had not chosen to deal with my heartache and pain at that time, it eventually became unavoidable to get away from and I started to heal. By the end of the class, I was sold this is what I can do to help others like me. I have been a leader off and on since 2010.
Life continues to through curveballs at me but my faith in the Lord and the strength I have received from the women over the years of being a leader keeps me strong and coming back every time. Thank You for your time and if you need help with the overwhelming emotions an abortion can lead to. We are here for you!
Janie Mchan